The Thing About Trust…
Most of us have been taught that we have to earn the trust of others. Whether discussing our significant others, friendships, or working relationships, most people believe trust is earned through a series of positive actions.
Frankly, I believe that is the furthest thing from the truth. TRUST IS NOT EARNED, IT’S GRANTED. Period and end of story.
No one can earn your trust; trust is something that we as humans grant as freely as we choose. Think about innocent children who grant trust to strangers without giving it a second thought. Children have to be taught not to trust strangers; they must be coached on being careful around those they don’t know.
It’s why so many companies lack diversity at the leadership level. At the top of an organization, where trust means everything; we tend to trust those that are most familiar to us, those that are most like us. I mean think about it, you are a CEO hiring for a spot on your leadership team – no matter how many interviews you do with a person, they can’t earn your trust through that short of process. You have to look at the person’s background, look at their performance over a few 30-60 minute interviews and ultimately grant trust to someone based on your perception of how they might perform.
Now think about that with your team, your peers, heck even in your personal relationships. All who you trust are trusted by you because you granted them trust. In fact, many of us grant trust at certain levels. Like, I think Jim is smart, so he is granted my trust to speak to my boss about his work all by himself. However, if Jim is going to speak to the CEO or maybe the Board of Directors, I probably should be there just in case. Why is that? If trust is earned then why does it matter who Jim is talking to, if Jim knows what he is talking about then your boss, the CEO, The Board or the janitor should not matter. How many of us have done something great in our careers, only to have the story of that greatness told by your boss, or her boss, or his boss to the most senior executives in your company. See trust is actually granted, we decide when, who, and how to trust.
Whether deciding it’s the right time for your child to drive a car for the first time alone or trusting a significant other or friend after a breach of trust, these are all decisions the person granting trust decides.
This leads me to the reason I am writing this. As my team continues on our agile journey, as a leader I have had to decide to trust my team a lot more than in the past. I have had to trust that decisions made by people 3 and 4 levels deep in my organization are good ones. I have had to grant more trust than ever in my career. Sometimes that trust is rewarded, and we see strong outcomes, sometimes the outcomes are less than stellar. However, isn’t that life? We all go through periods where we are both disappointed and elated by the actions of those, we grant our trust to. What agile transformation has taught me more than anything else is that my job is to establish strategic direction, place my people in the best possible position to succeed and then grant them the trust necessary to do so. When you don’t grant trust to your people, you stifle their growth. Your A players in many cases will get frustrated and leave and your C and D players will remain because you’ll never give them room to make the mistakes to know they are C and D players. Most importantly, you’ll never develop leaders strong enough to take your place, because if you don’t grant them the trust and freedom you have in yourself, then will they ever truly be able to take your spot? My advice, provide direction, grant your trust freely but hold people accountable for their actions. That means providing coaching and guidance when outcomes are less than positive and moving on from that person when that person cannot demonstrate the ability to drive positive outcomes. Keeping people around you that you aren’t comfortable granting trust to makes no sense, whether it’s your spouse, your friend, your team, or even your boss.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons that we as humans should withhold trust. I taught my kids “stranger/danger” like many parents. However, if you are strong enough to grant trust, if you hold your team, your colleagues, friends, and family accountable for their actions, then you are the real winner in my book. There isn’t ever anything that someone can do to truly earn your trust, your trust in people is granted – always! Feel free to disagree!